Good on you, Monica! I haven't quit drinking but I have cut back so much after 120 days of total abstinence. Just got home from a dinner party that I didn't drink at and am about to watch Dateline. Sure, it sounds boring, but at 47? I like boring. It's amazing how much your brain changes after you dry it out for awhile.
I know! Shit, BPD and alcohol are gas and matches. I don’t need any extra help in the moody, distorted perception department. The more alcohol-free days I stack up, I like to envision my brain kind of like my liver- all happy and smiling and feeling better.
FOR REAL. I feel like I am more rational and almost immune to melt-downs. I still get panic attacks here and there in triggering situations, but I'm more equipped to deal with them without being hungover and without grabbing a drink (which is what I used to do to get rid of them..terribly cycle). Also? It's nice to look and feel healthy at 47 and have people tell me I'm glowing. It feels good!
My oldest brother just celebrated 13 years on Nov 1 - he’s 13 years older than me so exactly my age 47 when he quit. He was never an alcoholic in any way that any of us would have “intervened” or even maybe thought too much about it. But, he would say (and does) the exact stuff you’re saying about how alcohol just kind of limits you and ending that limitation is giving you and your kids a better version of yourself. And it’s so true, he went from being a neutral person in my life to one of my go to guys. I can ALWAYS call and know he can talk to me like a true friend and grownup, drive after 8pm, help without any filters of substance or hesitation to be present. It’s been an incredible gift I didn’t even know to wish for. I say this to encourage you that the snowball effect of sobriety isn’t just for you, your partner or your kids - it’s got the potential to deepen and brighten your whole life. Congratulations.
That being said your post definitely (not for the first time) makes me also want to do a self inventory (as you know that’s the real reason sobriety and veganism threatens others - because there isn’t really a good or moral excuse for drinking or eating other living creatures but so many of us do it anyway that we’re uncomfortable). Drinking isn’t my thing (I’m not moral I just have a really sensitive stomach and so it doesn’t soothe) but my relationship with weed over the course of the last 30 years feels similar to what you write about with a beer at the end of a day.
It’s so cyclical- life is hard just a little help please at the end of this day creeps into to oh shit I think I need to check back into my life more and then periods of sobriety that last days, weeks, months, (or when my kid was at a certain in-between age) years. But, unlike you I’ve never felt any better sober... I’m envious (for me -happy for you) when I hear you or my brother discuss the high of sobriety from alcohol but I haven’t found that.
Being completely sober all the time makes me feel morally superior at my willpower (look at me! Not vegan but sober, exercising, making “good decisions”) but frankly it feels like everyone but me gets the best version of me and I’m just white knuckling through the trauma that is being a woman making .80 on the dollar to men as the primary earner in my family while also providing an awesome wholesome childhood to my kid and bomb pussy to my spouse. So, eventually it creeps back the desire to have something for me that’s “easy” and that isn’t in service to others. But hey - I’m not my mother or my (other) brother with their toxic alcohol relationship right?!?
No neat bow to tie this train of thought together. Just a thank you as always for writing and sharing and stretching my brain.
I’m in the same boat. Never been into drinking just because I did it in high school and college and I hated the way it made me feel...like embarrassing stomach issues. But pot is my jam. And I go through the whole cycle of, I’m not going to smoke tonight, I completely PIGGED OUT, again, last night, to the extreme, at the end of the day when I’m counting the minutes till it’s not too early to smoke.
Yeah, I like my weed gummies, that’s for sure. For me weed tends to enhance my experience, not blur it. My thoughts feel sharper, deeper and more meaningful. I like to take a gummy and watch a movie, listen to an audiobook/podcast. But I do find that since i stopped drinking I’m using weed less as well, kinda preferring a clear mind, so we’ll see where that goes.
This made me so happy to read. I focused on the effect sobriety has had on me but I haven’t considered what it has on those around me, mostly cuz I don’t think they notice. Instead of beer I’m just sitting around with a seltzer but I’m hopeful there are changes they’re experiencing I just haven’t clocked yet. Also, the thing you said about life feeling deeper and brighter really resonates. It’s 5 in the morning right now and I’m well-rested, just fed all my animals and having my coffee before my weekend gig at a restaurant and I just feel really good, you know? It wouldn’t feel this way if I’d had even 2 beers last night. And I like this version of me. I feel calm and capable.
I can't follow a vegan diet. It's a long story but I used to and had to stop. It has to do with how I get vitamin A and methylation issues. And I'm allergic to soy.
I grew up with two parents who had one or two, stiff drinks every night. (they are still doing this... in their mid eighties!!) Me? The black sheep started binge drinking in my late teens and gosh did it help my panic disorder... until it did NOT- I dropped off the cliff! A few years later, I had a significant moment when I looked at my dear friend and realized that he was an alcoholic and that was one thing that I did not want to be so I stopped the 'self harm' (that's what if felt like to drink so much I obliterated myself). Over the years I have had many cocktails and drank socially quite often yet just within the last few months (probably around the time you stopped) I stopped... because I ~felt~ so so much better not drinking. I want to keep feeling this way, so I have to explain- a lot- to my friends that I'm simply not drinking. Quelle horreur! And you're right about the damage alcohol does to our bodies. It is poison. I've also noticed what remains socially acceptable is people, mainly women, mentioning how much they love their nightly wine- it's fun, it's a thing, it's wine-o'clock... the last of the acceptable addictions? Cheers~!
Good on you, Monica! I haven't quit drinking but I have cut back so much after 120 days of total abstinence. Just got home from a dinner party that I didn't drink at and am about to watch Dateline. Sure, it sounds boring, but at 47? I like boring. It's amazing how much your brain changes after you dry it out for awhile.
I know! Shit, BPD and alcohol are gas and matches. I don’t need any extra help in the moody, distorted perception department. The more alcohol-free days I stack up, I like to envision my brain kind of like my liver- all happy and smiling and feeling better.
FOR REAL. I feel like I am more rational and almost immune to melt-downs. I still get panic attacks here and there in triggering situations, but I'm more equipped to deal with them without being hungover and without grabbing a drink (which is what I used to do to get rid of them..terribly cycle). Also? It's nice to look and feel healthy at 47 and have people tell me I'm glowing. It feels good!
My oldest brother just celebrated 13 years on Nov 1 - he’s 13 years older than me so exactly my age 47 when he quit. He was never an alcoholic in any way that any of us would have “intervened” or even maybe thought too much about it. But, he would say (and does) the exact stuff you’re saying about how alcohol just kind of limits you and ending that limitation is giving you and your kids a better version of yourself. And it’s so true, he went from being a neutral person in my life to one of my go to guys. I can ALWAYS call and know he can talk to me like a true friend and grownup, drive after 8pm, help without any filters of substance or hesitation to be present. It’s been an incredible gift I didn’t even know to wish for. I say this to encourage you that the snowball effect of sobriety isn’t just for you, your partner or your kids - it’s got the potential to deepen and brighten your whole life. Congratulations.
That being said your post definitely (not for the first time) makes me also want to do a self inventory (as you know that’s the real reason sobriety and veganism threatens others - because there isn’t really a good or moral excuse for drinking or eating other living creatures but so many of us do it anyway that we’re uncomfortable). Drinking isn’t my thing (I’m not moral I just have a really sensitive stomach and so it doesn’t soothe) but my relationship with weed over the course of the last 30 years feels similar to what you write about with a beer at the end of a day.
It’s so cyclical- life is hard just a little help please at the end of this day creeps into to oh shit I think I need to check back into my life more and then periods of sobriety that last days, weeks, months, (or when my kid was at a certain in-between age) years. But, unlike you I’ve never felt any better sober... I’m envious (for me -happy for you) when I hear you or my brother discuss the high of sobriety from alcohol but I haven’t found that.
Being completely sober all the time makes me feel morally superior at my willpower (look at me! Not vegan but sober, exercising, making “good decisions”) but frankly it feels like everyone but me gets the best version of me and I’m just white knuckling through the trauma that is being a woman making .80 on the dollar to men as the primary earner in my family while also providing an awesome wholesome childhood to my kid and bomb pussy to my spouse. So, eventually it creeps back the desire to have something for me that’s “easy” and that isn’t in service to others. But hey - I’m not my mother or my (other) brother with their toxic alcohol relationship right?!?
No neat bow to tie this train of thought together. Just a thank you as always for writing and sharing and stretching my brain.
I’m in the same boat. Never been into drinking just because I did it in high school and college and I hated the way it made me feel...like embarrassing stomach issues. But pot is my jam. And I go through the whole cycle of, I’m not going to smoke tonight, I completely PIGGED OUT, again, last night, to the extreme, at the end of the day when I’m counting the minutes till it’s not too early to smoke.
Yeah, I like my weed gummies, that’s for sure. For me weed tends to enhance my experience, not blur it. My thoughts feel sharper, deeper and more meaningful. I like to take a gummy and watch a movie, listen to an audiobook/podcast. But I do find that since i stopped drinking I’m using weed less as well, kinda preferring a clear mind, so we’ll see where that goes.
This made me so happy to read. I focused on the effect sobriety has had on me but I haven’t considered what it has on those around me, mostly cuz I don’t think they notice. Instead of beer I’m just sitting around with a seltzer but I’m hopeful there are changes they’re experiencing I just haven’t clocked yet. Also, the thing you said about life feeling deeper and brighter really resonates. It’s 5 in the morning right now and I’m well-rested, just fed all my animals and having my coffee before my weekend gig at a restaurant and I just feel really good, you know? It wouldn’t feel this way if I’d had even 2 beers last night. And I like this version of me. I feel calm and capable.
Thanks for reading and sharing about your bro ♥️
I can't follow a vegan diet. It's a long story but I used to and had to stop. It has to do with how I get vitamin A and methylation issues. And I'm allergic to soy.
it's boring. Google it if you want to.. LOL
Me too with the soy allergy and peanuts! Ended my 25 years of vegetarianism. 😕
Also, every time I eat any kind of legume anymore, my stomach flips out.. it sucks because I love beans!
I grew up with two parents who had one or two, stiff drinks every night. (they are still doing this... in their mid eighties!!) Me? The black sheep started binge drinking in my late teens and gosh did it help my panic disorder... until it did NOT- I dropped off the cliff! A few years later, I had a significant moment when I looked at my dear friend and realized that he was an alcoholic and that was one thing that I did not want to be so I stopped the 'self harm' (that's what if felt like to drink so much I obliterated myself). Over the years I have had many cocktails and drank socially quite often yet just within the last few months (probably around the time you stopped) I stopped... because I ~felt~ so so much better not drinking. I want to keep feeling this way, so I have to explain- a lot- to my friends that I'm simply not drinking. Quelle horreur! And you're right about the damage alcohol does to our bodies. It is poison. I've also noticed what remains socially acceptable is people, mainly women, mentioning how much they love their nightly wine- it's fun, it's a thing, it's wine-o'clock... the last of the acceptable addictions? Cheers~!