Just looked it up and HELL YES! Hat tip to you! Hit me up with recommendations like this any time. It makes this whole writing online endeavor that much better. Thank you.
"The Origin of the Family, Private Property and the State (1884), was a provocative and profoundly influential critique of the Victorian nuclear family. Engels argued that the traditional monogamous household was in fact a recent construct, closely bound up with capitalist societies. Under this patriarchal system, women were servants and, effectively, prostitutes. Only Communism would herald the dawn of communal living and a new sexual freedom and, in turn, the role of the state would become superfluous."
I am so happy to hear now well non monogamy has worked for you. You’re right, it is hard work. It’s especially challenging when one partner is more monogamous than poly.
When you talked about your love for Rebecca and how that made your and Cory’s relationship better, I felt that. I won’t go into details here but my partner is poly and when he was able to open up that part of himself and make that work with me, it made our relationship better and he has fallen even more in love with me because he gets to be himself. I love this for you.
I love seeing how supportive you are for Violet. Not that I am surprised at all, but the world needs more of that support and love for non-binary and trans children.
I always look forward to your comments Taliya. I love your scenario with your partner too! It's such an incredible road of self discovery when we can free ourselves from the cages of construct and do what works for who we are and not who we are told to be. So much love!
Wow. Such a brave post. A few years back, a Mum I knew at school was getting divorced. We got talking and told me I should be writing about dating post marriage and we ended up having coffee. She had become a polyamorist - saying post marriage the last thing she needed was another controlling relationship. She dated different people for different reasons. She gave me a book to read and another writer mate and I wrote a drama - which meant I interviewed those in quads/triangles/open/poly etc. The conversations blew my mind; like, why wouldn't we all be this way? All my narrow minded questions: 'aren't you jealous or worried that he might fall for someone more than you?' etc. were answered so articulately. Most stray because they aren't happy, but if you are happy and you are open to your partner having relationships, then why would they leave? It all sounded incredibly freeing. That said, it also sounded like there were all kinds of logistics and boundaries discussed - A LOT of discussion. Such as: his date night/her date night/ if kissing is allowed/safe sex practiced etc. Ultimately it was people designing lives that worked for them - that didn't adhere to the escalator of life - the expectations that we all marry/have kids/stayed locked together for eternity.
Hand on heart, I wouldn't be capable of such practice purely through my own insecurities. I'd tie myself in knots. Also, I've only found less than a handful of people attractive since I married - both sexes - mind you, I haven't flirted/opened myself in a way to kind of send out those signals either. But I honestly think it is such an emotionally evolved way to live. I'm so happy for you that you have found such freedom, such joy and such an alive way to live! x
Non-monogamy does require lots of logistics and communication, but so does monogamy, if done intentionally - and it should be done intentionally. I think you may find non-monogamy more liberating/empowering than you think. Also, I think people tend to assume that non-monogamy immediately means all these great people will be out there vying for your partner (which makes you feel insecure and jealous, maybe) but just as often, the opposite happens: You go on dates and feel relieved to come home because you realize how much of a connection you and your partner really do share.
All very true. As a total aside, I’ve found getting a dog has really improved my connection with my husband! We go on daily dog walks and make time to check in with each other more than we used to. Communication - the cornerstone of any relationship I reckon x
A fox red Labrador. Berkeley. The heartbeat of the family. Never knew I could love anything so much! I remember what an incredible relationship you had with Max. Having never owned one, I agree, dogs are the best.
Also, I had never heard of a fox red labrador. You know I love black labs. And Serge and his wife got a silver lab, which I had not heard of up until they got one. I didn't know there were so many different lab breeds.
Awesome! I’ll check it out. Thank you 🙏 and happy holidays!!
Just looked it up and HELL YES! Hat tip to you! Hit me up with recommendations like this any time. It makes this whole writing online endeavor that much better. Thank you.
"The Origin of the Family, Private Property and the State (1884), was a provocative and profoundly influential critique of the Victorian nuclear family. Engels argued that the traditional monogamous household was in fact a recent construct, closely bound up with capitalist societies. Under this patriarchal system, women were servants and, effectively, prostitutes. Only Communism would herald the dawn of communal living and a new sexual freedom and, in turn, the role of the state would become superfluous."
I am so happy to hear now well non monogamy has worked for you. You’re right, it is hard work. It’s especially challenging when one partner is more monogamous than poly.
When you talked about your love for Rebecca and how that made your and Cory’s relationship better, I felt that. I won’t go into details here but my partner is poly and when he was able to open up that part of himself and make that work with me, it made our relationship better and he has fallen even more in love with me because he gets to be himself. I love this for you.
I love seeing how supportive you are for Violet. Not that I am surprised at all, but the world needs more of that support and love for non-binary and trans children.
I always look forward to your comments Taliya. I love your scenario with your partner too! It's such an incredible road of self discovery when we can free ourselves from the cages of construct and do what works for who we are and not who we are told to be. So much love!
Wow. Such a brave post. A few years back, a Mum I knew at school was getting divorced. We got talking and told me I should be writing about dating post marriage and we ended up having coffee. She had become a polyamorist - saying post marriage the last thing she needed was another controlling relationship. She dated different people for different reasons. She gave me a book to read and another writer mate and I wrote a drama - which meant I interviewed those in quads/triangles/open/poly etc. The conversations blew my mind; like, why wouldn't we all be this way? All my narrow minded questions: 'aren't you jealous or worried that he might fall for someone more than you?' etc. were answered so articulately. Most stray because they aren't happy, but if you are happy and you are open to your partner having relationships, then why would they leave? It all sounded incredibly freeing. That said, it also sounded like there were all kinds of logistics and boundaries discussed - A LOT of discussion. Such as: his date night/her date night/ if kissing is allowed/safe sex practiced etc. Ultimately it was people designing lives that worked for them - that didn't adhere to the escalator of life - the expectations that we all marry/have kids/stayed locked together for eternity.
Hand on heart, I wouldn't be capable of such practice purely through my own insecurities. I'd tie myself in knots. Also, I've only found less than a handful of people attractive since I married - both sexes - mind you, I haven't flirted/opened myself in a way to kind of send out those signals either. But I honestly think it is such an emotionally evolved way to live. I'm so happy for you that you have found such freedom, such joy and such an alive way to live! x
Non-monogamy does require lots of logistics and communication, but so does monogamy, if done intentionally - and it should be done intentionally. I think you may find non-monogamy more liberating/empowering than you think. Also, I think people tend to assume that non-monogamy immediately means all these great people will be out there vying for your partner (which makes you feel insecure and jealous, maybe) but just as often, the opposite happens: You go on dates and feel relieved to come home because you realize how much of a connection you and your partner really do share.
All very true. As a total aside, I’ve found getting a dog has really improved my connection with my husband! We go on daily dog walks and make time to check in with each other more than we used to. Communication - the cornerstone of any relationship I reckon x
Dogs are the best. They help everything. What kind did you get?
A fox red Labrador. Berkeley. The heartbeat of the family. Never knew I could love anything so much! I remember what an incredible relationship you had with Max. Having never owned one, I agree, dogs are the best.
Aw. I love hearing this. I plan to always own a dog for the rest of my life.
Also, I had never heard of a fox red labrador. You know I love black labs. And Serge and his wife got a silver lab, which I had not heard of up until they got one. I didn't know there were so many different lab breeds.
Berkeley is a deep red - the colour of autumn. Fox reds are a mix of yellow and black labs. Quite rare!