I am so happy to read that you found your place in life.
I think we all, deep down, are trying to do the same thing, and I am slowly making my way in a similar direction, from a major city in a western nation, to the capital of another country that is consistently ranked as one of the greenest in the world, to a small town now, with nature a few minutes walk from my front door.
I suspect, in time, there will be another move, to somewhere even smaller. My partner and I both prefer the simple things in life, and one of our greatest joys is mushroom hunting when the season is right, then bringing home several kilos of mushrooms to cook and eat.
As time goes by my partner is teaching me to forage, and showing me which plants and fruits and vegetables are edible, and of course which are not. I might even get a garden and start growing things of my own.
Someone once said that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. Maybe the trick is to stop making plans and let things happen naturally.
And of course the rooster is an asshole. He's a man!
Foraging for mushrooms seems like it would be SO out of my wheelhouse. Turns out I love it. Roaming around the woods scanning the ground with great concentration is so much nicer than it sounds. Finding mushrooms is so exciting! Plus they're delicious! Glad you're experiencing that with someone who also loves it. Gardening is also super satisfying although I have yet to have the time to focus on one the way I'd like. I always start off strong in the spring and by fall I'm tired of weeding and everything kind of goes to hell. One of these days!
Your place sounds magical. I’ve never lived in a remote place for any length of time, but, as with Damien below, it is our plan in the next 5 years. Since we are currently in Brooklyn, this means upstate NY. We are always looking at homes/land on the market and dreaming about going for it. I especially enjoyed seeing the pictures of you and your family in this piece. Thanks for sharing all of it.
Reflecting on this some more, I am struck by how you and Cory felt similarly from the start about the property—cat piss notwithstanding😬—and the leap. A blessing. This knowing you describe very well, was introduced to me academically while in my training for acupuncture. Credited most specifically to Gendlin, the term bodily-felt-sense describes the most certain and emphatic type of knowing: “a special kind of internal body awareness…a body-sense of meaning.”
Looking up Gendlin before writing this comment, I was pleased to discover another facet to this idea—one I was not taught previously: “the Gendlian ‘body’ extends beyond the skin. For Gendlin, the ‘body’ is a ‘vastly larger system’ such that the ‘felt sense’ is the entire situation.”
Okay so this is such a great angle! I totally wormholed Eugene Gendlin and I love it. He was a philosopher and psychologist who developed the mind-body connection practice called Focusing. "Focusing, a form of "felt-sensing," is a practice of allowing our bodies to guide us to deeper self-knowledge and healing; it is also a powerful antidote to oppression and hate in chaotic times. The name "Focusing'" is not used in the conventional idea of focused attention. Rather, Gene Gendlin chose this word as a metaphor for the process of recognizing vague, subtle, or ephemeral somatic sensations that could gradually be brought into focus, as one might adjust a pair of binoculars to turn a blurry visual image into clear, recognizable objects." Read this>>>https://focusing.org/felt-sense/learning-focusing It's exactly the kind of stuff my therapist is teaching me... This is such a good tip, thank you so much!
Glad it resonates with you! We did a lot of focusing in acu school. All with the goal of being in touch with the bodymind. It’s all one in Chinese Medicine just as perceived by Gendlin. I watched the excerpt from the doc and really liked the self-downplaying he did in introducing focusing. “It’s not about me…I didn’t discover it…you don’t need Gene to do this…” and then he got into describing how much the body can tell about us. I was good with this too until he said, “the gynecologist knows how you’re doing in therapy.” Oy🙄
I was kind of going with his theory even though it is a little "Oy." If the gyno knows how you're doing in therapy it will definitely work the other way. Anyway, I've never tried acupuncture but have always been curious. What brought you to it and what kinds of things bring people to you to get it done?
Thanks for that. If you do see the clip I referenced, I would welcome your thoughts. But I won’t beat a dead horse here. Nice pivot, Madame Therapist😜 I’ve been a practicing acupuncturist going on 15 years now. My calling happened when I was past due with our second son. We were planning a home birth and my midwife said I should get acupuncture to get labor going. It was New Year ‘04 and my little guy was already 13 days late. It was just after a big snowstorm and my stepfather—in town with my mother since _before_ the due date— was grateful to have an out from the labor-waiting tedium. Loaded into his big blue pickup, we went 3 days in a row from Brooklyn to an acupuncturist in the West Village.
Wow what a read. I feel like we are in opposite places in life. I grew up in suburbia near farms and such. Not quite to the extent that you are in now but you know I'm from State College. Now I crave the metropolitan life but not too metro. I still need that hybrid which is why I am in New Jersey. I love your take on nature and how you brought up society and masculinity. Something to think about for sure.
Oh sweet Taliya. I'm so happy you're here! And super excited you're experiencing the city life. You're close to the same age I was when I first moved to NYC. How's it going for you?
I love city life. So much to do, although I am avoiding the wind chill mostly right now. I love walking everywhere. It feels great. I love the subway. Like it’s one of my favorite things. I’m 20 minutes away from downtown NYC just far enough but close enough too. I mostly work from home but sometimes I go in. The food everywhere is amazing. The people are the perfect kind if weird, and it really is nice not being the inly POC for miles. I actually blend in for once and it’s my boyfriend who stands out lol 😂 I also love very close to the beach, and no matter where life takes me, I will live close to a beach. Of course not too close, cause if AccuWeather taught me anything it’s no beach houses ok the east coast lol
This makes me super envious!! My husband and I are farm kids who couldn't wait to leave for the city. We live in a very urban area now, but our city has thousands of wooded acres and parks, so we live back in the woods of a metropolitan area.... it's not remote enough for me. I could move to the middle of nowhere tomorrow and be happy as a clam. Right now, both of our businesses are super dependent on being in the city and our house, that we've been renovating since 2013 is finally mostly done, but the five year plan is to save save save, then sell everything and move. I cannot wait. Totally craving the peace you're experiencing.
Great to find you writing again. So envious of your situation. My husband and and I are both from Los Angeles and have family here (unfortunately, less of mine after the last couple years). I long for a quieter life. A small house on some big land. A place where I end as many days relaxed, laughing, and watching my kids play baseball from the back porch, each shouting something about a World Series win while they run bases made of twigs, as I do feeling bone tired and exhausted with that borderline pleasurable soreness that comes from spending the day working with my hands outdoors.
We’re fortunate that we’re able to afford to live here (I feel like it’s important I’m transparent here: in laws loaned us money for a down payment when we got kicked out of our rental. We work hard - my husband is a 4th grade teacher and I work a high stress corporate job, but being able to buy a home in LA in this market was ALL privledge). But sometimes I wish there was some reason we HAD to move. My husband hates change and even good arguments for moving don’t stand much of a chance against resistance to change. I spent a little under six months hiking a long distance trail and that time in the wilderness where my energy was spent on walking and my focus was on meeting my own basic needs…I was never happier, never healthier (both physically and mentally…the mental health being part of the reason I decided to hike the trail), never more accepting of what is, never more forgiving of what is or isn’t. I just know I’m meant to be in the middle of the woods. But our kids both go to the best public middle school in the city and are both in advanced programs they love and both play for the same baseball organization they love, etc etc. I don’t want to disrupt their lives because I think more trees will benefit my mental health but I also hate the idea that there’s another version of me they only ever see when we go camping or backpacking. A more relaxed version of mom.
“Allowing our bodies to guide us to deeper knowledge and healing.” This is everything. I sometimes make decisions that go against what I feel is best in order to make someone else happy. And when I do that for big/important decisions, I feel almost sick to my stomach. When I look back on some of the bad decisions I’ve made in my life, I find I almost always KNEW I was making the wrong decision. Not when I was 15 and stupid based on age alone, but I honestly do look back at what some would consider regrets and remember having that sick feeling when the decision was made. When I go with my gut (balanced with *some* logic), I never regret it. There’s usually a physical feeling that accompanies those decisions as well. It’s fear. Because following your gut, especially when it goes against the grain, is brave and scary. And we should let ourselves feel that. We should notice that instead of dread and anxiety, we’re feeling a different kind of nervous energy…excitement!
Sorry for the long response but I just loved this piece!
I love this comment! There is definitely something about living with nature all around you that leads to a general slowing down, not just physically, but mentally. You just feel more conscious and aware of our special place in the universe. Thank you so much for reading and commenting, I really enjoyed your perspective.
I missed your writing and am so happy to have found your newsletter! I always considered myself an urban woman, but during the pandemic, I realized I was craving more nature and less human interaction…so this text spoke to me big time! My husband and I purchased a piece of land overlooking the st-Laurence river (Charlevoix, Qc, Canada) and are building a getaway. I cannot wait for it to be finished so I can experience something similar to your communion with nature 🙏🏻
I’m glad you found me! Thank you for reading! Your land sounds amazing. I can’t wait for you to connect with it and everything that lives on it when all is finished.
I am so happy to read that you found your place in life.
I think we all, deep down, are trying to do the same thing, and I am slowly making my way in a similar direction, from a major city in a western nation, to the capital of another country that is consistently ranked as one of the greenest in the world, to a small town now, with nature a few minutes walk from my front door.
I suspect, in time, there will be another move, to somewhere even smaller. My partner and I both prefer the simple things in life, and one of our greatest joys is mushroom hunting when the season is right, then bringing home several kilos of mushrooms to cook and eat.
As time goes by my partner is teaching me to forage, and showing me which plants and fruits and vegetables are edible, and of course which are not. I might even get a garden and start growing things of my own.
Someone once said that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. Maybe the trick is to stop making plans and let things happen naturally.
And of course the rooster is an asshole. He's a man!
Foraging for mushrooms seems like it would be SO out of my wheelhouse. Turns out I love it. Roaming around the woods scanning the ground with great concentration is so much nicer than it sounds. Finding mushrooms is so exciting! Plus they're delicious! Glad you're experiencing that with someone who also loves it. Gardening is also super satisfying although I have yet to have the time to focus on one the way I'd like. I always start off strong in the spring and by fall I'm tired of weeding and everything kind of goes to hell. One of these days!
Your place sounds magical. I’ve never lived in a remote place for any length of time, but, as with Damien below, it is our plan in the next 5 years. Since we are currently in Brooklyn, this means upstate NY. We are always looking at homes/land on the market and dreaming about going for it. I especially enjoyed seeing the pictures of you and your family in this piece. Thanks for sharing all of it.
Reflecting on this some more, I am struck by how you and Cory felt similarly from the start about the property—cat piss notwithstanding😬—and the leap. A blessing. This knowing you describe very well, was introduced to me academically while in my training for acupuncture. Credited most specifically to Gendlin, the term bodily-felt-sense describes the most certain and emphatic type of knowing: “a special kind of internal body awareness…a body-sense of meaning.”
Looking up Gendlin before writing this comment, I was pleased to discover another facet to this idea—one I was not taught previously: “the Gendlian ‘body’ extends beyond the skin. For Gendlin, the ‘body’ is a ‘vastly larger system’ such that the ‘felt sense’ is the entire situation.”
Okay so this is such a great angle! I totally wormholed Eugene Gendlin and I love it. He was a philosopher and psychologist who developed the mind-body connection practice called Focusing. "Focusing, a form of "felt-sensing," is a practice of allowing our bodies to guide us to deeper self-knowledge and healing; it is also a powerful antidote to oppression and hate in chaotic times. The name "Focusing'" is not used in the conventional idea of focused attention. Rather, Gene Gendlin chose this word as a metaphor for the process of recognizing vague, subtle, or ephemeral somatic sensations that could gradually be brought into focus, as one might adjust a pair of binoculars to turn a blurry visual image into clear, recognizable objects." Read this>>>https://focusing.org/felt-sense/learning-focusing It's exactly the kind of stuff my therapist is teaching me... This is such a good tip, thank you so much!
Glad it resonates with you! We did a lot of focusing in acu school. All with the goal of being in touch with the bodymind. It’s all one in Chinese Medicine just as perceived by Gendlin. I watched the excerpt from the doc and really liked the self-downplaying he did in introducing focusing. “It’s not about me…I didn’t discover it…you don’t need Gene to do this…” and then he got into describing how much the body can tell about us. I was good with this too until he said, “the gynecologist knows how you’re doing in therapy.” Oy🙄
Ha! Equally likely the therapist knows how you're doing with the OB-GYN!
Which is to say not at all likely? That is my feeling about his statement. Though I see a possibility of the therapist knowing…
I was kind of going with his theory even though it is a little "Oy." If the gyno knows how you're doing in therapy it will definitely work the other way. Anyway, I've never tried acupuncture but have always been curious. What brought you to it and what kinds of things bring people to you to get it done?
Thanks for that. If you do see the clip I referenced, I would welcome your thoughts. But I won’t beat a dead horse here. Nice pivot, Madame Therapist😜 I’ve been a practicing acupuncturist going on 15 years now. My calling happened when I was past due with our second son. We were planning a home birth and my midwife said I should get acupuncture to get labor going. It was New Year ‘04 and my little guy was already 13 days late. It was just after a big snowstorm and my stepfather—in town with my mother since _before_ the due date— was grateful to have an out from the labor-waiting tedium. Loaded into his big blue pickup, we went 3 days in a row from Brooklyn to an acupuncturist in the West Village.
Wow what a read. I feel like we are in opposite places in life. I grew up in suburbia near farms and such. Not quite to the extent that you are in now but you know I'm from State College. Now I crave the metropolitan life but not too metro. I still need that hybrid which is why I am in New Jersey. I love your take on nature and how you brought up society and masculinity. Something to think about for sure.
Oh sweet Taliya. I'm so happy you're here! And super excited you're experiencing the city life. You're close to the same age I was when I first moved to NYC. How's it going for you?
I love city life. So much to do, although I am avoiding the wind chill mostly right now. I love walking everywhere. It feels great. I love the subway. Like it’s one of my favorite things. I’m 20 minutes away from downtown NYC just far enough but close enough too. I mostly work from home but sometimes I go in. The food everywhere is amazing. The people are the perfect kind if weird, and it really is nice not being the inly POC for miles. I actually blend in for once and it’s my boyfriend who stands out lol 😂 I also love very close to the beach, and no matter where life takes me, I will live close to a beach. Of course not too close, cause if AccuWeather taught me anything it’s no beach houses ok the east coast lol
This makes me super envious!! My husband and I are farm kids who couldn't wait to leave for the city. We live in a very urban area now, but our city has thousands of wooded acres and parks, so we live back in the woods of a metropolitan area.... it's not remote enough for me. I could move to the middle of nowhere tomorrow and be happy as a clam. Right now, both of our businesses are super dependent on being in the city and our house, that we've been renovating since 2013 is finally mostly done, but the five year plan is to save save save, then sell everything and move. I cannot wait. Totally craving the peace you're experiencing.
Great to find you writing again. So envious of your situation. My husband and and I are both from Los Angeles and have family here (unfortunately, less of mine after the last couple years). I long for a quieter life. A small house on some big land. A place where I end as many days relaxed, laughing, and watching my kids play baseball from the back porch, each shouting something about a World Series win while they run bases made of twigs, as I do feeling bone tired and exhausted with that borderline pleasurable soreness that comes from spending the day working with my hands outdoors.
We’re fortunate that we’re able to afford to live here (I feel like it’s important I’m transparent here: in laws loaned us money for a down payment when we got kicked out of our rental. We work hard - my husband is a 4th grade teacher and I work a high stress corporate job, but being able to buy a home in LA in this market was ALL privledge). But sometimes I wish there was some reason we HAD to move. My husband hates change and even good arguments for moving don’t stand much of a chance against resistance to change. I spent a little under six months hiking a long distance trail and that time in the wilderness where my energy was spent on walking and my focus was on meeting my own basic needs…I was never happier, never healthier (both physically and mentally…the mental health being part of the reason I decided to hike the trail), never more accepting of what is, never more forgiving of what is or isn’t. I just know I’m meant to be in the middle of the woods. But our kids both go to the best public middle school in the city and are both in advanced programs they love and both play for the same baseball organization they love, etc etc. I don’t want to disrupt their lives because I think more trees will benefit my mental health but I also hate the idea that there’s another version of me they only ever see when we go camping or backpacking. A more relaxed version of mom.
“Allowing our bodies to guide us to deeper knowledge and healing.” This is everything. I sometimes make decisions that go against what I feel is best in order to make someone else happy. And when I do that for big/important decisions, I feel almost sick to my stomach. When I look back on some of the bad decisions I’ve made in my life, I find I almost always KNEW I was making the wrong decision. Not when I was 15 and stupid based on age alone, but I honestly do look back at what some would consider regrets and remember having that sick feeling when the decision was made. When I go with my gut (balanced with *some* logic), I never regret it. There’s usually a physical feeling that accompanies those decisions as well. It’s fear. Because following your gut, especially when it goes against the grain, is brave and scary. And we should let ourselves feel that. We should notice that instead of dread and anxiety, we’re feeling a different kind of nervous energy…excitement!
Sorry for the long response but I just loved this piece!
I love this comment! There is definitely something about living with nature all around you that leads to a general slowing down, not just physically, but mentally. You just feel more conscious and aware of our special place in the universe. Thank you so much for reading and commenting, I really enjoyed your perspective.
I missed your writing and am so happy to have found your newsletter! I always considered myself an urban woman, but during the pandemic, I realized I was craving more nature and less human interaction…so this text spoke to me big time! My husband and I purchased a piece of land overlooking the st-Laurence river (Charlevoix, Qc, Canada) and are building a getaway. I cannot wait for it to be finished so I can experience something similar to your communion with nature 🙏🏻
I’m glad you found me! Thank you for reading! Your land sounds amazing. I can’t wait for you to connect with it and everything that lives on it when all is finished.