YAY!!! It makes me so happy that you're back to writing again. I went back and read through all your new posts--thank you for sharing so much! It must be scary to put all of that out there...but you have nothing to fear. You are right where you are supposed to be, learning what you are supposed to learn. And there is no such thing as "normal" when it comes to people and personalities. Every person on this earth has issues that they have to deal with. Kudos to you for doing the work to figure out where to go from here. You are a strong, brave, fierce woman...you rock!
Hi Hanni! It's so nice to see your name again! Thank you for following me here. Writing again has been very scary, but that's also what makes it feel right, you know? Like, if it doesn't feel at least a little scary maybe it's not worth writing about... Thank you so much for the kind words. All the love to you!
This is hilarious- even as a wedding photographer this is such a great viewpoint on marriage. I absolutely love this story. And yes partner is a great term! It’s gender-neutral and applies to all couples no matter if it’s legal or not. I also am a fan of significant other, but that’s a mouthful. I’m glad it worked out for you and your family.
Also fun fact, my boyfriend and I were set to move in together before we ever dated. Relationships aren’t linear. The are what you want and no one else can define that for you.
I LOVE the move toward gender neutral terms. And actually, another version of this post included that! Although partner sometimes feels uncomfortably close to LGBTQIA+ appropriation, the increased use of gender neutral terms for significant others can help LGBTQIA+ individuals who don't want to out themselves in unsafe spaces.
I love your writing and am so happy to read your words again. But more importantly, I love your outlook and perspective on life. It’s refreshing and good to know there are others who see life through their own lens and do things their way. Fuck conforming to societal norms. Good for you. I’m happy things have worked out so well for you. Thanks for sharing!
Hey there! Deconstructing societal norms is the key to liberation! I want to get a tattoo that says QUESTION EVERYTHING. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts.
Hello, Monica. I found your blog entry by chance today while mentally preparing for a morning of (most-likely) uncreative writing for work. So, the first thing I want to do is thank you for kick-starting my next several hours with something clever, earnest, insightful, true, and personal.
For real. Thank you.
Now, for my immediate reaction. (I presume you'll be at least a little bit interested, otherwise why would any writer fling their carefully considered words into the void? But please only take what follows for what they are: thoughts sparked by your thoughts. Not judgment...although I *do* love judging people.)
You used a lot of words to describe kicking up against something that should have been embraced from the outset: You're married. And it sounds beautiful, like you're a great couple, and you've got the stuff to go the distance. But this came across like people trying to be cool by not doing what everyone else is doing, when ultimately being cool doesn't matter.
I understand that "marriage" is thrown around so casually it tends to demean the phrase and institution. There are a lot of crappy unions out there, and who wants to join that club? But why deny yourselves the use of a descriptor just *because*?
It strikes me as disingenuous to write a blog article saying that you're secretly married. That's like Clark Kent writing in his Daily Planet column about his personal experiences keeping up a secret identity. Maybe you're on the cusp of going with it and being overtly married and this was a way of transitioning to that state of being. Or maybe you're still in denial. But, I say this with respect, you're fucking married. Please cut out trying to be cute about it.
Mr. Spock once cited a specific alien culture's credo of "Let me help" as being important to them even over "I love you." The description of how you connected with your spouse and decided to make things legal was one of the clearest examples of this I've ever read. And no matter the low-key distance you try to infuse your relationship with in the descriptions (or maybe just in appearances), you became exactly what your preferred term of endearment suggests -- you became partners. Yes, it was convenient, but you weren't just filling that spouse-shaped hole with anyone. You filled it with someone you cared pretty damn deeply about.
It's just a piece of paper. It's a formality. It's a document. It doesn't really mean or change anything. *sigh* Again, I call total, total bullshit and denounce your blog title as clickbait. Your kids have the right idea in ignoring all the protests. The paperwork is no casual thing as you repeatedly suggest. Even a loveless marriage can be a hassle to undo - probably more than one filled with mutual love - so I thoroughly reject any notion that you two did what you did but, hey, you know, it wasn't that big a deal.
Your union is lovely and deserves celebration instead of deflation. There's enough dreariness in the world for us to pass around. Y'all love each other and are helping each each other, and are sharing a family that sounds all the better for it. God bless you for as long as possible.
(Pardon me for just jumping all into your business out of nowhere. But I have two dear friends who recently each had their spouses pass away, and those marriages were enviable things of beauty. So, right now, in this time and space, I take marriage pretty damn seriously. It's no afterthought when done right.)
Lastly, I recognize that, at the time you got married, neither of you may have been willing to outright say "I love you" to the other, and you legitimately might not have felt deep, unabiding **luuuv**...but I think in our souls we know what we know. The moment you offered to make it legal so your partner could survive on Earth a little bit easier? You knew what you knew, even if you didn't know you knew it. The paperwork was just a preemptive strike towards the declaration.
You know something? Everything else I write today will likely be a cakewalk by comparison.
YAY!!! It makes me so happy that you're back to writing again. I went back and read through all your new posts--thank you for sharing so much! It must be scary to put all of that out there...but you have nothing to fear. You are right where you are supposed to be, learning what you are supposed to learn. And there is no such thing as "normal" when it comes to people and personalities. Every person on this earth has issues that they have to deal with. Kudos to you for doing the work to figure out where to go from here. You are a strong, brave, fierce woman...you rock!
Hi Hanni! It's so nice to see your name again! Thank you for following me here. Writing again has been very scary, but that's also what makes it feel right, you know? Like, if it doesn't feel at least a little scary maybe it's not worth writing about... Thank you so much for the kind words. All the love to you!
This is hilarious- even as a wedding photographer this is such a great viewpoint on marriage. I absolutely love this story. And yes partner is a great term! It’s gender-neutral and applies to all couples no matter if it’s legal or not. I also am a fan of significant other, but that’s a mouthful. I’m glad it worked out for you and your family.
Also fun fact, my boyfriend and I were set to move in together before we ever dated. Relationships aren’t linear. The are what you want and no one else can define that for you.
You know I LOVE your love story.
I miss hearing your fantastic laugh, btw.
I LOVE the move toward gender neutral terms. And actually, another version of this post included that! Although partner sometimes feels uncomfortably close to LGBTQIA+ appropriation, the increased use of gender neutral terms for significant others can help LGBTQIA+ individuals who don't want to out themselves in unsafe spaces.
I love your writing and am so happy to read your words again. But more importantly, I love your outlook and perspective on life. It’s refreshing and good to know there are others who see life through their own lens and do things their way. Fuck conforming to societal norms. Good for you. I’m happy things have worked out so well for you. Thanks for sharing!
Hey there! Deconstructing societal norms is the key to liberation! I want to get a tattoo that says QUESTION EVERYTHING. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts.
In the Top 10 of my favorite writers on the internet — I’m so happy to be able to read what you’re writing again.
Oh, hey! Wow. Thank you. The internet is chock full of incredible writers so thank you so much! So glad you found me!
Hello, Monica. I found your blog entry by chance today while mentally preparing for a morning of (most-likely) uncreative writing for work. So, the first thing I want to do is thank you for kick-starting my next several hours with something clever, earnest, insightful, true, and personal.
For real. Thank you.
Now, for my immediate reaction. (I presume you'll be at least a little bit interested, otherwise why would any writer fling their carefully considered words into the void? But please only take what follows for what they are: thoughts sparked by your thoughts. Not judgment...although I *do* love judging people.)
You used a lot of words to describe kicking up against something that should have been embraced from the outset: You're married. And it sounds beautiful, like you're a great couple, and you've got the stuff to go the distance. But this came across like people trying to be cool by not doing what everyone else is doing, when ultimately being cool doesn't matter.
I understand that "marriage" is thrown around so casually it tends to demean the phrase and institution. There are a lot of crappy unions out there, and who wants to join that club? But why deny yourselves the use of a descriptor just *because*?
It strikes me as disingenuous to write a blog article saying that you're secretly married. That's like Clark Kent writing in his Daily Planet column about his personal experiences keeping up a secret identity. Maybe you're on the cusp of going with it and being overtly married and this was a way of transitioning to that state of being. Or maybe you're still in denial. But, I say this with respect, you're fucking married. Please cut out trying to be cute about it.
Mr. Spock once cited a specific alien culture's credo of "Let me help" as being important to them even over "I love you." The description of how you connected with your spouse and decided to make things legal was one of the clearest examples of this I've ever read. And no matter the low-key distance you try to infuse your relationship with in the descriptions (or maybe just in appearances), you became exactly what your preferred term of endearment suggests -- you became partners. Yes, it was convenient, but you weren't just filling that spouse-shaped hole with anyone. You filled it with someone you cared pretty damn deeply about.
It's just a piece of paper. It's a formality. It's a document. It doesn't really mean or change anything. *sigh* Again, I call total, total bullshit and denounce your blog title as clickbait. Your kids have the right idea in ignoring all the protests. The paperwork is no casual thing as you repeatedly suggest. Even a loveless marriage can be a hassle to undo - probably more than one filled with mutual love - so I thoroughly reject any notion that you two did what you did but, hey, you know, it wasn't that big a deal.
Your union is lovely and deserves celebration instead of deflation. There's enough dreariness in the world for us to pass around. Y'all love each other and are helping each each other, and are sharing a family that sounds all the better for it. God bless you for as long as possible.
(Pardon me for just jumping all into your business out of nowhere. But I have two dear friends who recently each had their spouses pass away, and those marriages were enviable things of beauty. So, right now, in this time and space, I take marriage pretty damn seriously. It's no afterthought when done right.)
Lastly, I recognize that, at the time you got married, neither of you may have been willing to outright say "I love you" to the other, and you legitimately might not have felt deep, unabiding **luuuv**...but I think in our souls we know what we know. The moment you offered to make it legal so your partner could survive on Earth a little bit easier? You knew what you knew, even if you didn't know you knew it. The paperwork was just a preemptive strike towards the declaration.
You know something? Everything else I write today will likely be a cakewalk by comparison.
Once again, thank you. For real.
HAH! you did it! Suck it Pennsylvania :P