Gosh you are brave. I loved reading this. I have flickers of this too - I remember once writing a blog post about feeling a black hole inside me and it took a reader to advise me I was depressed. I loved reading it because it’s so raw and honest. Being vulnerable is the most beautiful way to say to others - it’s ok, I feel like this too. Re wanting to reach out to ex’s etc. You are right - they have changed and so have you. Let it go. I’ve just let go of a 41 year friendship. So close she felt like a sister. But we grew apart and changed radically and it was oil and water. No longer could bear each other. I grieve what we were, my bridesmaid and once godmother to my kids, but I know that it no longer serves me to have her in my life. That she triggered so much in me. That the roles she wanted me to keep - I no longer fitted… I had changed. So have you. And you sound more at peace than ever before x
I love your input so much. Thank you for this. I've been so afraid of vulnerability, mistakenly equating it with weakness, or maybe because being vulnerable felt unsafe in the past. I am realizing being vulnerable is liberating. And man, do I hear you on the difficulty in letting go of old friends. I have so many Mormon friends from my youth I've just had to let go of as maintaining any kind of relationship became impossible. All the love to you!
Wow I really love every word you said. I kept waiting for the part where you would say how you got to this new place mentally of loving yourself just as you are, loving life, not being antisocial, all of it. After the diagnosis, wondering how you got to such a positive, peaceful place. Not perfect, but better and happier. ♥️
Therapy has been so helpful to me. I resisted it for a long time but got lucky enough to stumble into the right person for me and it changed everything. Thank you so much for reading! <3
My 25 year-old was diagnosed a few years ago and we are currently estranged. I found this post very enlightening. I've been digging deep to uncover myself recently and see how it all connects.
Hey, hi! This comment is worth the many hours it took to write and rewrite this newsletter. I'm sorry to hear that you are estranged from your child, that must be so painful. I feel like I could've eventually become estranged from my mom based on where our relationship was headed just a few years ago but the diagnosis gave me a better, more compassionate perspective to work from. Although she isn't aware I write here as I feel that worrying about her reading would inhibit my ability to be honest, I've talked about BPD with my mom extensively and we feel like she has it as well as a result of her childhood. These things are genetic and perpetuate themselves without understanding it enough to break the cycle and I applaud your openness do digging deeper to uncover yourself to see how it all connects. If you're interested in any advice I would say be SUPER COMPASSIONATE with yourself while trying not to be defensive. My mom still triggers me - how can she not after years of a very specific relationship - but I love her so much and am looking forward to the evolution of our relationship now that we're both getting a better handle on who we are and how we trigger each other. Hoping the best for you and your child!
thank you for having the courage to be so open, honest and vulnerable, Monica. that kind of raw sharing is no small feat, and can be so helpful to others who similarly struggle. i 'm no stranger to mental and emotional maladies myself - in my family and my own body/mind system - and can relate to much of what you wrote. may the gentle spirit of lovingkindness continue to flower in your open heart.
Gosh you are brave. I loved reading this. I have flickers of this too - I remember once writing a blog post about feeling a black hole inside me and it took a reader to advise me I was depressed. I loved reading it because it’s so raw and honest. Being vulnerable is the most beautiful way to say to others - it’s ok, I feel like this too. Re wanting to reach out to ex’s etc. You are right - they have changed and so have you. Let it go. I’ve just let go of a 41 year friendship. So close she felt like a sister. But we grew apart and changed radically and it was oil and water. No longer could bear each other. I grieve what we were, my bridesmaid and once godmother to my kids, but I know that it no longer serves me to have her in my life. That she triggered so much in me. That the roles she wanted me to keep - I no longer fitted… I had changed. So have you. And you sound more at peace than ever before x
I love your input so much. Thank you for this. I've been so afraid of vulnerability, mistakenly equating it with weakness, or maybe because being vulnerable felt unsafe in the past. I am realizing being vulnerable is liberating. And man, do I hear you on the difficulty in letting go of old friends. I have so many Mormon friends from my youth I've just had to let go of as maintaining any kind of relationship became impossible. All the love to you!
Wow I really love every word you said. I kept waiting for the part where you would say how you got to this new place mentally of loving yourself just as you are, loving life, not being antisocial, all of it. After the diagnosis, wondering how you got to such a positive, peaceful place. Not perfect, but better and happier. ♥️
Therapy has been so helpful to me. I resisted it for a long time but got lucky enough to stumble into the right person for me and it changed everything. Thank you so much for reading! <3
❤️❤️❤️
i love you. think about you every damn day. so glad you exist
❤️🔥
Your vulnerability is inspiring and keeps me motivated to continue to dig deeper in my own work -- both writing and inner life stuff. Keep it comin'!
Thanks sweet friend! ♥️♥️♥️
My 25 year-old was diagnosed a few years ago and we are currently estranged. I found this post very enlightening. I've been digging deep to uncover myself recently and see how it all connects.
Hey, hi! This comment is worth the many hours it took to write and rewrite this newsletter. I'm sorry to hear that you are estranged from your child, that must be so painful. I feel like I could've eventually become estranged from my mom based on where our relationship was headed just a few years ago but the diagnosis gave me a better, more compassionate perspective to work from. Although she isn't aware I write here as I feel that worrying about her reading would inhibit my ability to be honest, I've talked about BPD with my mom extensively and we feel like she has it as well as a result of her childhood. These things are genetic and perpetuate themselves without understanding it enough to break the cycle and I applaud your openness do digging deeper to uncover yourself to see how it all connects. If you're interested in any advice I would say be SUPER COMPASSIONATE with yourself while trying not to be defensive. My mom still triggers me - how can she not after years of a very specific relationship - but I love her so much and am looking forward to the evolution of our relationship now that we're both getting a better handle on who we are and how we trigger each other. Hoping the best for you and your child!
Thank you so much.
thank you for having the courage to be so open, honest and vulnerable, Monica. that kind of raw sharing is no small feat, and can be so helpful to others who similarly struggle. i 'm no stranger to mental and emotional maladies myself - in my family and my own body/mind system - and can relate to much of what you wrote. may the gentle spirit of lovingkindness continue to flower in your open heart.