30 Comments
Aug 15, 2023Liked by Monica Danielle

I too have The Dread, though it sounds like not as bad as yours. I was fully in my 40's before I realized that I could let things go. But I also have never had therapy, which I'm sure would have helped me figure it out sooner. You know what really helped me realize it? Yoga. Never thought it would have any effect on me, except for making me stronger and stretchier. Turns out it really helps me with The Dread and also regulating my emotions. After practicing about a year, I realized I no longer get too upset when I'm driving (I used to get hella angry and vengeful) and when I do get upset, I'm able to keep myself from losing it on someone. I can just take a breath, think for a minute, and let it go. Never in a million years thought it would have that effect on me, but it did. Just my experience. Not preaching here.

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'The Dread' is basically how I explain my panic disorder-- throw in some 'I'm Not Safe'. When reading about The Dread instantly showing up when someone knocked on the door, my stomach literally leapt up into my throat. Hearing a telephone ring has the same effect on me. Anyhoos-- as you mentioned, you can't think your way out of the Spiral of The Dread but it sounds like you're dealing with it in an effective way with new eyes. I have recently been reading all about the vagus nerve and really like that I can address the physical sensations that have scared the living sh*t out of me since age 13 by physical means. Keep on keepin' on, dude!!!

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After 15 years in therapy (and 3 whole years sober, IWNDWYT) I, too, am wrestling constantly with The Dread. It’s so damn exhausting. I went to a retreat earlier this year with Byron Katie, who I knew very little about. Trying her method of self-inquiry did more to ease The Dread than anything else I’ve tried. I was never able to meditate — my mind is too bossy for that — but her practice of meditation is one of questioning your own thoughts, putting them down on paper (she has free worksheets). Anyway, I don’t usually offer unsolicited advice but if you happen upon one of her books or want to listen to her podcast, it might be worth dipping your toes in for a minute. I’ve even started bringing my worksheets up in therapy.

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Aug 16, 2023Liked by Monica Danielle

The most accurate thing I've ever read: "My entire life is giving all the fucks. I have too many fucks to give about everything. I’m tired of giving so many fucks. But I don’t want to give zero fucks either. Like the Dude, I want to give essential fucks. Fucks are a delicate balance. One can also give too many fucks about not giving a fuck and then you’re fucked." Thank you for your writings, Monica. I've enjoyed them for years and years <3

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Aug 16, 2023Liked by Monica Danielle

I suspect many of us who are here understand all too viscerally the dread, the need to numb, the desire to be in remission from all of it. The answer for me is to just throw everything at it. Yoga? Sure. Instagram? Yes except when it’s the problem. Acupuncture? Works for me. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? Fuck yes. Sex? Sometimes. Meditation? Probably a good idea .... as always I love feeling less alone when reading your words. Also, your description of your mom on the bike and the scene with your siblings. That’s a passage to go in your book. Fucking beautiful. ♥️

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founding
Aug 20, 2023Liked by Monica Danielle

The only things I know about Mormonism, I learned from South Park, Heather Hamilton and you. They make Catholics look laid back.

I grew up in an unsafe environment, and I know The Dread very well. I had a nervous breakdown in my mid 20s, and have been in constant work since then. Lately, psilocybin has been helping a lot. I also only drink on vacation and holidays anymore because alcohol exposure over time just exacerbates it all.

I'm glad to read about your journey, Monica. I hope you feel less alone and more supported when you share your stories. Love to you!

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