Yes! Turning 45 this week and feeling all this shit. Do I want to yell at my 17 year old about the dishwasher or just enjoy my last year with him at home? All we have is now.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Monica. It feels like you are literally inside my head. It is so nice to have someone who is in my same cohort (I was born in 1978) and same situation (work, kids, divorced, exhausted) put it all into words and express it so right on the money. I'm grateful that you are out there. Keep doing what you are doing. ❤❤❤
Several years ago I read Lee Lipsenthal's book "Enjoy Every Sandwich" (which is a nod to Zevon's quote on Letterman) and it profoundly changed me. I was just tiptoeing into meditation then, and the idea of flipping life and death around to acutely consider both at the end of every day shifted so much. Of course, it's easy to slip back into old habits. My therapist recently gave me an assignment to STOP working on a personal project I love for at least two months ("How about two weeks?!" I begged. We settled on one month firm, to start), just to see how the absence feels. At first I was panicked, like I was getting "behind" (on something that has absolutely no deadline, to be clear). But then ... I felt the space. The ease. I felt the moments return to me, and with them came more intentional choices. It has now been .... six weeks, I think? Maybe more, I don't even know. I haven't picked the project back up yet, but when I do it will feel different.
Your summer pics are lovely. And I rarely ever dust.
Thank you so much for putting my thoughts into words! I also just gave way to being me. And yes: nobody tells you that you experience more of life by living slower.
Another thing was menopause - framed as the time when a woman is losing all her status unless she is really rich - let me tell you it was a big liberation for me, glorious even! Believe it or not; being labeled as lonely and a loser without a partner in my fifties I enjoy being off the radar of expectations and I am having the time of my life! Your piece is wonderful, thank you!
Sep 9, 2022·edited Sep 10, 2022Liked by Monica Danielle
This is so, so relatable, not just to me but any working woman with kids I am sure. I have leaned out of late a lot. I switch off Slack notifications at 5pm sharp and don’t look at work til the next morning. This week my kids were sick and I forged through for three days then called in sick for the last two. Still to relent on housework because a clean house makes me happy but considering outsourcing some of it. All of these steps free our minds and souls to do all the nourishing stuff we so badly need, that our souls are crying out for; reading, napping, cuddling kids/pets, going for walks or just zoning out. Excellent piece please get it published somewhere so more people can see it.
You and I have talked about this before when I was out of a job and felt like such a loser and you and your words helped me so much. This was so good. Love you ❤️
Oh man... My life has changed so much in the last ten years... left the corporate world, started businesses, real estate, kids grew up, left home... I had been fired more than I cared to admit because nothing I was doing meant anything to me and at my core, I just couldn't do it. I was forced to stop and I felt like such a loser.... then I started working for myself and helping others. At 46 I'm happier than I have ever been, as well as making more money than I ever have.
Rachel Hollis is a snake oil salesman. She's crafted a completely false persona and narrative to make money off the backs of women by selling them her bullshit. She's a fraud. She's an oppressor.... watching her fall from grace has been a bit satisfying for me.
In the end: We have to make ourselves happy. To embrace what that means to us individually because it's not a one size fits all situation. I'm not waking up at 5am and writing about my feelings.. I'm going to sleep until 8am, because those extra three hours of rest will help me to better manage my feelings. I live by keeping my eyes on my own paper. My life is mine and I don't need to compare it and shape it to other lives to be successful... it's taken so long to learn this and to stop being so fucking tired and unhappy all of the time.
Have fun. Travel. Spend time with the people you love the most. The vacuum isn't going anywhere <3
It is a sign of my times that I have been meaning to comment on this blog post since you first posted - and I'm alarmingly late. Firstly, I love your writing so much. I felt like I was in that river with you at the beginning - it was so descriptive and beautiful. Being in nature is the greatest gift of all. Which is why I go cold water swimming every single week, come rain, come shine - it is like a drug. It is fucking cold yes, but also it makes me feel intensely alive. So many things I want to say 'amen' to in this blog. I listened to a podcast this week with Gabor Mate talking (I worship at his altar) and he told the interviewer that at a talk he gave to hundreds of women - one asked what is the best thing a Mom can do to be a good parent and he replied 'to look after herself.' Ironically that is the last thing any Mum I know does... We are all so busy working, managing households, often without a tribe (what tribe? My husband's family are in Oz and mine Ireland and we are in England) and then we are sold some Gwyneth perfection (painted in gold at 50 - you too can look this ace if you drop $$$$$$ on a sauna, spa, and all my products.... oh and a housekeeper/nanny/trainer/dietician/trainer and home gym.... - though I find myself admiring her work ethic which is also ironic) to make us all feel less than. I CANNOT be an amazing friend/mother/daughter/cousin/colleague/writer/counsellor/keeping a perfect home/plushly decorated/my animal walked twice a day and fed/look like GP and have sex swinging from the chandeliers...and still remember to floss. Oh and deal with the menopause. Another gift women get given. Something has got to give. So I gave my fucks. I only have so many fucks to give as the book says. I have struggled all my life to do nothing and feel raging guilt when I am not unloading a washing machine or working out something that needs done in the house when I get 5 mins to sit on my ass. I reject perfection. I reject competing against other women. I reject feeling that I need to do X to be Y. I am enough. *Lies down in a darkened room.*
Yes! Turning 45 this week and feeling all this shit. Do I want to yell at my 17 year old about the dishwasher or just enjoy my last year with him at home? All we have is now.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Monica. It feels like you are literally inside my head. It is so nice to have someone who is in my same cohort (I was born in 1978) and same situation (work, kids, divorced, exhausted) put it all into words and express it so right on the money. I'm grateful that you are out there. Keep doing what you are doing. ❤❤❤
Several years ago I read Lee Lipsenthal's book "Enjoy Every Sandwich" (which is a nod to Zevon's quote on Letterman) and it profoundly changed me. I was just tiptoeing into meditation then, and the idea of flipping life and death around to acutely consider both at the end of every day shifted so much. Of course, it's easy to slip back into old habits. My therapist recently gave me an assignment to STOP working on a personal project I love for at least two months ("How about two weeks?!" I begged. We settled on one month firm, to start), just to see how the absence feels. At first I was panicked, like I was getting "behind" (on something that has absolutely no deadline, to be clear). But then ... I felt the space. The ease. I felt the moments return to me, and with them came more intentional choices. It has now been .... six weeks, I think? Maybe more, I don't even know. I haven't picked the project back up yet, but when I do it will feel different.
Your summer pics are lovely. And I rarely ever dust.
Gah. So much yes. This was a fun float down the river.
Thank you so much for putting my thoughts into words! I also just gave way to being me. And yes: nobody tells you that you experience more of life by living slower.
Another thing was menopause - framed as the time when a woman is losing all her status unless she is really rich - let me tell you it was a big liberation for me, glorious even! Believe it or not; being labeled as lonely and a loser without a partner in my fifties I enjoy being off the radar of expectations and I am having the time of my life! Your piece is wonderful, thank you!
This is so, so relatable, not just to me but any working woman with kids I am sure. I have leaned out of late a lot. I switch off Slack notifications at 5pm sharp and don’t look at work til the next morning. This week my kids were sick and I forged through for three days then called in sick for the last two. Still to relent on housework because a clean house makes me happy but considering outsourcing some of it. All of these steps free our minds and souls to do all the nourishing stuff we so badly need, that our souls are crying out for; reading, napping, cuddling kids/pets, going for walks or just zoning out. Excellent piece please get it published somewhere so more people can see it.
You and I have talked about this before when I was out of a job and felt like such a loser and you and your words helped me so much. This was so good. Love you ❤️
Oh man... My life has changed so much in the last ten years... left the corporate world, started businesses, real estate, kids grew up, left home... I had been fired more than I cared to admit because nothing I was doing meant anything to me and at my core, I just couldn't do it. I was forced to stop and I felt like such a loser.... then I started working for myself and helping others. At 46 I'm happier than I have ever been, as well as making more money than I ever have.
Rachel Hollis is a snake oil salesman. She's crafted a completely false persona and narrative to make money off the backs of women by selling them her bullshit. She's a fraud. She's an oppressor.... watching her fall from grace has been a bit satisfying for me.
In the end: We have to make ourselves happy. To embrace what that means to us individually because it's not a one size fits all situation. I'm not waking up at 5am and writing about my feelings.. I'm going to sleep until 8am, because those extra three hours of rest will help me to better manage my feelings. I live by keeping my eyes on my own paper. My life is mine and I don't need to compare it and shape it to other lives to be successful... it's taken so long to learn this and to stop being so fucking tired and unhappy all of the time.
Have fun. Travel. Spend time with the people you love the most. The vacuum isn't going anywhere <3
Thanks, Monica.
It is a sign of my times that I have been meaning to comment on this blog post since you first posted - and I'm alarmingly late. Firstly, I love your writing so much. I felt like I was in that river with you at the beginning - it was so descriptive and beautiful. Being in nature is the greatest gift of all. Which is why I go cold water swimming every single week, come rain, come shine - it is like a drug. It is fucking cold yes, but also it makes me feel intensely alive. So many things I want to say 'amen' to in this blog. I listened to a podcast this week with Gabor Mate talking (I worship at his altar) and he told the interviewer that at a talk he gave to hundreds of women - one asked what is the best thing a Mom can do to be a good parent and he replied 'to look after herself.' Ironically that is the last thing any Mum I know does... We are all so busy working, managing households, often without a tribe (what tribe? My husband's family are in Oz and mine Ireland and we are in England) and then we are sold some Gwyneth perfection (painted in gold at 50 - you too can look this ace if you drop $$$$$$ on a sauna, spa, and all my products.... oh and a housekeeper/nanny/trainer/dietician/trainer and home gym.... - though I find myself admiring her work ethic which is also ironic) to make us all feel less than. I CANNOT be an amazing friend/mother/daughter/cousin/colleague/writer/counsellor/keeping a perfect home/plushly decorated/my animal walked twice a day and fed/look like GP and have sex swinging from the chandeliers...and still remember to floss. Oh and deal with the menopause. Another gift women get given. Something has got to give. So I gave my fucks. I only have so many fucks to give as the book says. I have struggled all my life to do nothing and feel raging guilt when I am not unloading a washing machine or working out something that needs done in the house when I get 5 mins to sit on my ass. I reject perfection. I reject competing against other women. I reject feeling that I need to do X to be Y. I am enough. *Lies down in a darkened room.*