We’re all in this together

Othering is a step back, not forward

'The Great Wave off Kanagawa' by Hokusai Katsushika

We do not "come into" this world; we come out of it, as leaves from a tree. As the ocean "waves," the universe "peoples." Every individual is an expression of the whole realm of nature, a unique action of the total universe. This fact is rarely, if ever, experienced by most individuals. Even those who know it to be true in theory do not sense or feel it, but continue to be aware of themselves as isolated "egos" inside bags of skin. - Alan Watts

I don’t have anything to add to the dumpster fire of political commentary savagely sweeping the nation like The Nothing from The NeverEnding Story. If you’ve known me for at least five minutes, you’re well aware of my political inclinations although it may surprise you to learn I no longer identify as a Democrat. I am certainly liberal, but that’s where it ends for me.

I do have a few thoughts on the election, the results of which I did not stay up to witness and was not surprised to see the following morning. I had not planned to write anything but when the relentlessly brilliant (and super foxy) Rebecca Woolf dropped some words over on the braid that I found myself compelled to repeatedly comment on I realized I have a few things to say.

What the left doesn’t understand is that while we think we’re “waking people up” by smearing their noses in what we believe they should be ashamed of, the right is FURTHER doubling down on their ideologies and justifying the VERY things we are shaming them for. - Rebecca Woolf

Although I wasn’t surprised by Trump’s win, I have been taken aback by the flat-out hatred being spewed by… wait for it - democrats.

There is A LOT of othering and dehumanizing happening from a group which has historically united around the timelessly worthy notions of inclusivity and humanity.

The hypocrisy of a party whose very platform notes “Democrats are the party of inclusion. We know that diversity is not our problem—it is our promise. As Democrats, we respect differences of perspective and belief, and pledge to work together to move this country forward, even when we disagree ... we do not merely seek common ground—we strive to reach higher ground.”

This is not the political party I have been experiencing for quite a while and I don’t think I’m alone.

People are in pain. I understand. There is a lot of fear and confusion. I have received texts/watched videos/read posts from dozens - if not hundreds - of folks repeating some variation of, “How could half of America vote for this reprehensible human?!”

These disgusted folks who understandably can’t tolerate him and the hatred he represents are turning around and hatefully writing off longtime friends, relatives, and anyone who voted for him. Full stop. They are posting epic, savage, ranting, frothing, and frankly unhinged screeds on social media and then further isolating themselves into an echo chamber by mass-migrating to different platforms. This social media network is for this side, that one is for the other side.

Some of the behavior and "strategy" I'm seeing from liberals is as egregious as much of Trump and his base's typical bullshit. Yes Trump is a rapist/racist/misogynist/narcissist/criminal but don't assume all of his supporters believe the accusations and voted for him anyway. Blame a patriarchal society that will always believe men over women (that's a whole other convo) or the same bizarre cognitive dissonance that allows wonderful people to proclaim “I love animals, I’m such an animal person!” while routinely carving up and grilling animals who live short torturous lives in service of their next BBQ or expressing shock over someone eating dog meat while serving a whole pig on a platter at their annual summer luau.

Would you be offended if I had a roasted dog on my Thanksgiving table with an apple jammed in its mouth but happily tuck into your cousin Diane’s luau pig? Why? Cognitive dissonance. That particular flavor even has a name: The meat paradox. Rest assured the variety of flavors of political cognitive dissonance has Baskin-Robbins beat by a mile.

Whatever it is, I am here to tell you that millions upon millions of kind, lovely people (I'm from Utah, pretty sure most people I grew up with there voted for him) believe the Trump accusations to be false or no more horrible than anything Clinton or other democrats have done and just don’t give that stuff any credence in a world of mis/dis-information. Or they get a kick out of what they see as his bombastic political persona based on the splintered version of reality they experience and hope he drains the swamp. And it most def is a swamp, y’all, with swamp monsters proliferating both parties. There are worse folks than Trump lurking among the DC shadows and if he gets assassinated another would-be dictator will assuredly roll up to take his place.

Does this mean every person who voted for Trump is a horrible human? Or are they living in a reasonable reality created by the social media, news headlines, friend groups and church leader rhetoric they immerse themselves in? Aren’t they also victims of a patriarchal society that doesn’t believe women or want one as president?

Whatever it is, democrats are missing the forest for the trees and the party has become hateful and unrecognizable, at least to me.

You’re upset because you care. I get it. You have a big heart and you’re desperately concerned about women and trans-people and gay people and people of color and immigrants. So am I. But when we talk about people who care we aren’t talking about a limited group of moral/ethical people on one “side” or the other, as democrats seem to think. Liberals don’t have a lock on moral high ground and their unrelenting condescension and inability to see why they lost the election continues to be flabbergasting.

We ALL care. Most of us do, anyway. Some of us are in it solely for power/attention/money, sure. It’s just that people are operating from different spaces of information fields and backgrounds. But if your reaction is to sanctimoniously transform millions and millions of Americans into a monolith of ignorant, detestable assholes who are beneath you then you should probably consider adding yourself to the ranks.

Recognize that the “other side” is also in pain and voting for what feels right and good to them and their families. Are there some really terrible folks saying and doing vile things? Yes. But, these days, you can find egregious behavior wherever you look, seems like. Which is pretty much my point.

If democrats continue to view one side or the other in sweeping generalizations or tell Aunt Edna to go fuck her stupid, silly self for voting for Trump because, god love her, she really hates abortion and can’t afford her groceries then they are an equal part of the problem.

Instead of othering/fear-mongering/ranting and shaming into the social media abyss, focus on discovering commonalities, on finding humanity instead of consistently and hypocritically vilifying. Respond with compassion from a place of grace, not condescension/sanctimony/hatred. We can stand solidly for inclusivity without violating common sense.

Act from a place of ferocity but make it ferocious compassion for humanity, not ferocious hatred, because that sounds a lot like what you’re fighting against. Extend yourself and alchemize your grief and pain into thoughtful action, not finger pointing and cutting off friends and family members, it will only further entrench them in their own little echo chamber wherein they- just like you - continue to proclaim the awfulness of the “other side.”

Our enemy is not a specific human or a specific voting block of humans, we are fighting for humans! Our enemy is the real or imagined fear that lives inside all of us and is exploited daily by all the medias. The daily challenge is to respond to it with kindness and clarity, not blame and shame.

I look at what we’ve become and I feel an ocean of sorrow for all the suffering. From everywhere. From everyone.

I tend to take the long view that these are growing pains for our young country. We’re having convos we’d never have even 10 years ago. From destruction comes passionate creation.

I hope we can all hold our differences with great care and respond wisely. We are all connected. I am you and you are me.

We are the ocean expressing our individual selves as waves that eventually return to the ocean. To each other.