I found you through the One and Only Rebecca Woolf. I have spent the last hour reading and re-reading your posts. Most of the time it felt like looking in a mirror. Oneness jumbled in an array of bold colors. I have mental illness— actually a rolodex of labels from c-PTSD, GAD, OCD hell!- now I’m wondering if I have Borderline. (I’ll nee…
I found you through the One and Only Rebecca Woolf. I have spent the last hour reading and re-reading your posts. Most of the time it felt like looking in a mirror. Oneness jumbled in an array of bold colors. I have mental illness— actually a rolodex of labels from c-PTSD, GAD, OCD hell!- now I’m wondering if I have Borderline. (I’ll need to forward this to my therapist because my go-to coping mechanism is intellectualizing the shit out of life around me. Making sense of chaos has kept me alive.) I am the nucleus of inherited chaos that I’m sifting through to break cycles and heal.
Another point of internet intersection is the notion of retuning to school in midlife to become a therapist. Interestingly, I started college as a psychology major but my Antisocial Personality Disorder sperm donor (aka abusive legal father) told me I would never make it (employing a rainbow of cruel insults and mind games.) He utilized every tool within his bloody claws to make sure I would drop out. TW: He has admitted to my brothers his goal was for me to commit suicide— presumably for sympathy. What a POS— the universe sausaged fingered me inside a wooden mother. A losing hand, indeed. Generations of misogyny ruining women in my fundamentalist family. Women donating their brains to unworthy toxic men and the handmaiden church. Under his eye.
I’m a natural isolationist because of flashbacks and trauma triggers so your paragraph on needing women both intrigues and frightens me. I have climbed the validation mountains only to have been push over cliffs or run over by Magnolia Home social climbers and backstabbers with communion wafers and red wine lingering in their gossip and spiritual bypassing tossed like coins for the unlucky. Superiority complexes are cement walls of certainty reinforced by prosperity gospel and god’s will.
These days I prefer the comfort of my bed with books, podcasts, & substacks. My risk free way of pretending deep friendships, albeit one-way and imaginary. BUT I’M SAFE DAMNIT! Anyway, I love your disorganized brain and honesty, it gives me permission to love and accept my own. Onward as Liz says. Still riding this wild life.
Still riding! I picture you riding a bucking Bronco like they do at the rodeo while we all cheer for you. Because we are cheering for you, you know? I'm also a natural isolationist. It doesn't help that society/men condition women to compete against each other instead rallying together. But the right women will change your life. Associating with strong women makes you stronger. I experience it every day now that I'm putting myself out there for the women I value. So I'm glad you're here. It sounds like you've been THROUGH IT and are working to figure it all out. That's what it's all about. From one mentally ill broad to another, hang in there, sister.
I found you through the One and Only Rebecca Woolf. I have spent the last hour reading and re-reading your posts. Most of the time it felt like looking in a mirror. Oneness jumbled in an array of bold colors. I have mental illness— actually a rolodex of labels from c-PTSD, GAD, OCD hell!- now I’m wondering if I have Borderline. (I’ll need to forward this to my therapist because my go-to coping mechanism is intellectualizing the shit out of life around me. Making sense of chaos has kept me alive.) I am the nucleus of inherited chaos that I’m sifting through to break cycles and heal.
Another point of internet intersection is the notion of retuning to school in midlife to become a therapist. Interestingly, I started college as a psychology major but my Antisocial Personality Disorder sperm donor (aka abusive legal father) told me I would never make it (employing a rainbow of cruel insults and mind games.) He utilized every tool within his bloody claws to make sure I would drop out. TW: He has admitted to my brothers his goal was for me to commit suicide— presumably for sympathy. What a POS— the universe sausaged fingered me inside a wooden mother. A losing hand, indeed. Generations of misogyny ruining women in my fundamentalist family. Women donating their brains to unworthy toxic men and the handmaiden church. Under his eye.
I’m a natural isolationist because of flashbacks and trauma triggers so your paragraph on needing women both intrigues and frightens me. I have climbed the validation mountains only to have been push over cliffs or run over by Magnolia Home social climbers and backstabbers with communion wafers and red wine lingering in their gossip and spiritual bypassing tossed like coins for the unlucky. Superiority complexes are cement walls of certainty reinforced by prosperity gospel and god’s will.
These days I prefer the comfort of my bed with books, podcasts, & substacks. My risk free way of pretending deep friendships, albeit one-way and imaginary. BUT I’M SAFE DAMNIT! Anyway, I love your disorganized brain and honesty, it gives me permission to love and accept my own. Onward as Liz says. Still riding this wild life.
Still riding! I picture you riding a bucking Bronco like they do at the rodeo while we all cheer for you. Because we are cheering for you, you know? I'm also a natural isolationist. It doesn't help that society/men condition women to compete against each other instead rallying together. But the right women will change your life. Associating with strong women makes you stronger. I experience it every day now that I'm putting myself out there for the women I value. So I'm glad you're here. It sounds like you've been THROUGH IT and are working to figure it all out. That's what it's all about. From one mentally ill broad to another, hang in there, sister.
💕💕💕thanks for the encouragement! we got this!